Crete 2013 - Day 7 - All things Orange

It's been a funny sort of day. Starting this morning when a young lady covered me in orange juice. Not in a weird spa treatment sort of way but more of a "oh no I've broken the juice dispenser". She had managed to snap the tap off one of those big glass containers that hotels use. This one had just been filled with 5 litres of the sticky stuff, with bits I hastened to add. So as a 3ft jet of juice shot out across the restaurant in my direction, things were only made worse when she tried to jam her undersized finger into the hole only causing the jet to become an even more soaking spray. Fortunately my man sized thumb was a perfect fit for the hole and the orangey flood was stemmed. At this point anyone reading smut into my words should grow up! Anna, an oversized Russian waitress, in build and height not fat, eventually came to the rescue and on the count of 3 we swapped thumbs and she carried the remaining liquid off to the kitchen. My loafers are knackered and the poor girl who started all this was still very upset but grateful for the kind English knight that came to her rescue.

Talking of things orange, this is Bernie the counterpart to Lollo the 7ft giraffe. They continue to do 1 of 2 things to the under 6 year olds a) send them into a whipped up frenzy of excitement and urge to cuddle the furry creatures followed shortly after by floods of tears and uncontrollable wailing when they depart or b) the sight of an overgrown moving toy frightens the cr&p out of them that they must suffer from dreadful nightmares for the remainder of the holidays. Surely neither of these can be good for the parents or the rest of the suffering adults at breakfast / lunch.

This next picture was taken at the same time and provided us with the laugh of the day.

Good Lord above! Skin tight black speedos are one thing but at what point did this guy stand in the shop and think "do you know what I would look great in those". No no no. Have you lost a bet to wear a pair of your wife's bikini bottoms for the day? I am struggling to think what other excuse you could use :)

At the same lunch, after our seafood salad, pizza, rose wine and beer we were treated once against to the double Raki encore. Another CH2OH induced sleep on the sun-beds ensued. Oh well more burnt bits to sooth!

Crete 2013 - Day 6 - Ha det!

No that is not a spelling mistake or predictive text in the title. It is actually Norwegian for "goodbye" which is exactly what happened after breakfast. 3 coach loads in total, which I reckon to be 150 all left at the same time. All the little Svens and Agnitas on one plane - that to me must be a living nightmare!

The hotel was now almost empty. This coupled with a few clouds and strong winds meant very few people were out and about. Mrs CT managed her first ice cream of the holiday whilst answering a few work emails. tut tut. (Please do not zoom into the background of the picture, otherwise I will be accused of being a lech)

I knew you would zoom in! Anyway the other photos I am not allowed to publish as they featured 4 plucky young ladies from Devon who braved the wind until eventually it got too much for them. (My Friday night drinking crew can ask for a private viewing some other time). Meanwhile in down town Kolymbari, nothing was happening.

All I can say is that when they do work their catch ends up on our plates as yakatori shrimp from last night. This is from the new Asian restaurant in the hotel - The Blue Dong - I kid you not!

Crete 2013 - Day 5 - Oh you pretty things

When I hit the half century last October, years not cricket runs, I was fortunate in accumulating a generous sum in birthday cash to allow me to buy a very decent Samsung camera. (Model WB850F for those of you interested). Until now I have not even opened the manual! What follows are several pictures taken this holiday using the miriad of functions available. The first of these being super close up.

The next really is a 2 foot long cricket and any more noise from it tonight may result in violence!

Any blog entitled pretty things naturally must include Mrs CT. The 7* Metaxa kicking in on the second one :)

Carrying on from last night's language discussions, here are another couple of interesting ones. Goodness knows what the first symbol represents and as for the dinner offerings they were quite tasty.

Crete 2013 - Day 4 - It's all Greek to me

Okay I have to admit that my claim last night that I am fluent in the Greek Alphabet is a lie. The reason I could translate the name of my beer is due to the fact it is written on the beer pump. Note the portability. It sits near the tables at the front of the Taberna so to preserve the chillness of the golden liquid.

I know we struggle with the funny letters but please Mr Greek man check your English spellings before splashing out a few hundred Euros, that you cannot afford, in an attempt to attract the tourists!

"Why?" Is all I have to say about the next picture from a field next to our hotel. Did the moped just run out of fuel and it has been left where it stopped? Perhaps the field is really a swamp and the owner has been swallowed up? Answers on a post card please.

And finally. It must of been some clever Greek mathematician who originally described the strange effect of refraction (google it). The legs below the water really do belong to the chap to the left. The 10cm thick glass walls of the pool demonstrate the effect quite well!

Crete 2013 - Day 3 - You get what you ask for

For those of you that have followed this blog over the past 4 years you will know that good food and drink plays a large part in our travels. The food at the hotel is good and has variety. As we are half board a lunchtime excursion is not uncommon. So we staggered all of 50 metres next door to the local Taberna (not a spelling mistake).

Calamari, Taramasalata, Greek salad and bread all washed down with ice cold Mythos in glasses straight from the freezer. Some of you may have spotted an extra dish. Full marks if you did.
When Mrs CT ordered the Greek salad the proprietor asked her if she liked okra? No she replied, puzzled that it should be in the salad. "What about broccoli"? He asked. "Oh yes I like broccoli" she retorted. So that's exactly what she got, a plate of beautiful green broccoli dressed in olive oil and lemon!

So happy was the owner at some of his first guests of the season, the free raki (Greek firewater) and lemon cake at the end of the meal had 2 encores. So once again we had over done it at lunchtime and the afternoon siesta commenced at 15.30 and lasted well into early evening!

This lunchtime we were a little more sensible and went to the supermarket to buy bread, ham & cheese to make our own lunch. Don't be disappointed with us, a cheeky little cold and dry rose number fell into the basket as well, unlike Larry's head in the picture above.

So here I am sitting by the sea with the locals, drinking my pint of Alfa. Yes I am fluent in the Greek alphabet :)

Crete 2013 - Day 2 - Octopus & Giraffe

After yesterday's first experience of the hotel, we knew there were a few toddlers in residence, all called Sven or Agnita. This morning came a shock to the system when the breakfast room was already full at 8am and boy was it full. Little buggers.

The final confirmation of a "family hotel" came in the appearance of a 7ft furry giraffe! (Note to oneself: be more thorough with hotel research)

We just had to go for a walk into town to relieve the disbelief. When I say town what I mean is 20 or so establishments, half of them shut, but the other half offering fresh fish by the sea - very Shirley Valentine.

Seafood just doesn't get any fresher than this! Early morning octopus pegged out on the line to "cure".

Anyway, back to our pool and our own separate main pool - sorry, forgot to mention that. Nice sunshine which has resulted in my head doing a fetching impression of a red currant - thank you to Mrs CT for letting me fall asleep after lunch and sorry to my fellow sun worshippers for listening to me snore.

Crete 2013 - Day 1

After the usual 2 hour scrum at the Ryanair bag drop, we made the flight with minutes to spare. Please don't judge me but I NEVER fly with this airline through choice. The special offer from the hotel came with the flight attached. The interior of the aircraft is enough to cause nausea even before the first bout of turbulence.

After 2 hours of flying and 1.5 hours of bumpiness, we arrive in a very sunny and warm Chania in the West of Crete. Tiny airport, great service. Off the plane and through with bags in under 20 mins!

So onwards to Kolymbia and the Avra Imperial Hotel & Spa via the usual manic taxi driver in his E-Class Merc with faulty air-con. First impressions of our hotel are very good. Quite new, great room, naturally with private pool! Picture taken at 6pm after sun has vacated the patio.

The hotel at this time of year is 95% Scandinavian and 5% Brits. The Swedes etc all have toddlers in tow which is going to make the evenings quiet and has compensations around the main pool during the day.......more of the yummy mummies tomorrow! (Shit I hope that Mrs CT doesn't read this)

Crete 2013 - Day 0

Why Day 0? Well we are not in Crete yet. We have made it as far as Radisson Blu hotel in Stansted. Room with a view and 7 days car parking for a reasonable price.

As the flight is at 06:40 tomorrow the best feature is the covered walkway from hotel to airport. Yes it is that close!

The lounge bar features a truly spectacular wine tower 3 stories high. If you order a bottle a magical little machine called The Wine Angel, scampers up the tower and fetches your chosen tipple.

Here is Mrs CT on her second Rose Prossecco and its not even 17:30!! She claims that we will be having a very early night tonight so everything is relative. Please note that I have not achieved the art of levitation but merely leaning over the 3rd floor balcony.

Weather looking okay for next week which of course is the whole point of our May expeditions. Avra Imperial Beach here we come!

My Place in the Sun

Today I shall be mainly spending my time right here in sunny Stanwick.

A glass of something cold and fizzy and some BBQ meats with salad. Days like this are far and few between. Make the most of it folks.