Crete 2014 - Spa Day

Mrs CT here - guest blogger.

Day 13 of the holiday was deemed to be 'Spa Day', to get us both ready for the return home, much like David & Victoria Beckham would do. Manicure, pedicure, facial & eyebrows for her, and pedicure for him. The prices were a tad expensive, as they tend to be in big hotels, but I was lured by the claims of "one of Europe's largest spas" ..... " award winning"..... etc, etc. Plus hotel guests receive a whopping 15% off published prices - bargain.

The day started with a beautiful Shellac manicure and pedicure, however, manicure & pedicure only meant push back of cuticles and file, with polish. I'll have to go back to the farrier to have my hooves down when I'm back home. This took 1.25 hours and cost €87. Pretty good hourly rate; I'm in the wrong business!

Simon T's pedicure had an interesting 'ending'. Don't get excited boys, not that sort of ending. He was asked what he would like on his nails and ended up with clear varnish. When I asked why didn't he just decline, he said he didn't know he could. What???!!! Simon T, Master of Beligerence and award winning user of the word 'No' ????? Pretty toe-nails Mr T :)

Due to being short-changed on the 1 hour manicure & 1 hour pedicure, I then found myself hanging around before my next treatment. I was invited to relax in the 'Quiet Room'. The room faces onto the main pool area and thoroughfare. Quiet? However, my ability to relax was compromised as I was not convinced that the beautician will know I was there, and would think I'm a No-Show for my appointment. Anyway, finally they did find me, 5 minutes late. I don't do waiting.

The beautician took me to the treatment room and introduced me to the facial i would be experiencing today. Allow me to quote direct from the Spa's brochure: "...this facial integrates Australian native ingredients as an ideal treat for dull or lifeless skin". Charming; I thought i looked positively radiant this holiday. "...An Aboriginal inspired pressure point massge helps to relieve stress and tension ....". What? Does this guy look radiant and stress-free? I think I'll stick with #Decelor.

So facial done, and I must admit it was good, although very quick (30 mins). Another €37 euros; hourly rate is improving (for them, not me!)! Onto the final leg, the eyebrows. I was booked in for waxing, which I'm told is the best way to shape eyebrows (steer clear ladies of Threading if you do not have Asian hair). For this treatment I was led to the hair salon, located in the spa. Blimey, I know I've not had them tidied for a month, but I didn't think it would need a barber! Not a waxing pot in sight, just the beautician looming over me with her tweezers. Ouch, that was painful. Eyebrow 'waxing' finished she asks "is that ok?". They're thinner than I normally have, but what can i say? No, put some back! So I do the English thing, and tell her "that's lovely, thank you".

Total bill for Mr & Mrs T came to €194. Total time spent 2.5 hours. Verdict: Mr T has pretty toe-nails and Mrs CT is looking into re-training to become a Beauty Therapist.

Here's something for the ladies.....I was having a beer across the road and this chap decided to shower off the sand & sea in front of me. The fact that he caught me taking a photo, and continued to shower, for a little longer than was necessary, made me VERY happy :)

Laters x

 

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My once a year pedicure. More instruments of torture!

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zzzz Last siesta :(

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Crete 2014 - Day 7

Went for a walk along the coast towards Hersonissos. I say towards because there was no way we were going to make it all the way in this heat. We have done it before in the spring and it took 2 hours. There is quite a breeze as you can see from the sea. The "Caution - Floor is wet" sign is just about to get washed away!

Naturally we had to have a beer stop and even Mrs CT partook in quaffing the amber nectar.

I was wondering why she was in no rush to leave this establishment until I caught her taking this picture. And I am sitting right next to her? She has threatened to write her own blog entry on this subject for all the lady readers. I will reminder her again.

As we could not wander out on one of the concrete piers you will just have to put up with a video from 4 years ago, same beach, same Mrs CT, although looking a little lost!

Yes I know the title states day 7. Blog stuck in iPhone as explained yesterday.

Laters

 

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Crete 2014 - Day 10 - iPhone Breakdown

Disaster! The iPhone has developed somewhat of a fatal fault. The right hand side of the touch screen has stopped working! This means typing is a long process as I have to constantly rotate the keyboard. Worse however is that the on/off switches in Settings all live on the right side. It has taken me a week to turn WiFi on by using Accessability and Adaptive switch.

Blogs will be very short from now on until I return to UK and an Apple Store.

We went Japanese the other night. Mrs CT tucking into a Bento Box that could of easily fed the both of us. The food was as far removed from Japan as, well Crete really. Bill £80. Recommendation for future guests - avoid.

Sorry all the photos are food related but once again you iPhone users will know that the camera button resides on the right side of the screen. Naturally I have now reassigned it elsewhere so normal service will resume tomorrow

Here is the first discussion of the holidays. "What is the definition of Adult" as in this is an Adult only restaurant or these pools a jacuzzis are in an Adult only area.

I would be interested in your views. Please leave a comment on the Blog and I will discuss further tomorrow.

Laters

Crete 2014 - Special Vomitgate edition

Place - Main restaurant, Sensatori, Crete.

When - 21.20 on our first evening in the resort

Cast

• Emily - 10 year old girl from UK
• Emily's dad - Emily's dad
• Geek boy - 17 year old geek from UK dressed accordingly
• Eric - Greek waiter
• Twatos - Restaurant Manager
• Christos - F&B Manager

Names have been changed to protect the stupid and/or ignorant.

I will set the scene. Mrs CT and I had no choice but to eat at the main restaurant on our first night due to a complicated booking system that the hotel runs. We had a table in the adults only section which is on the opposite side to the chaos of the family area. Separating the two are the shared toilets. Starters had been obtained and consumed. We both decided on a plate of Calamari and fries with salad for main course. I was sitting facing the aforementioned conveniences, Mrs CT had her back to them and was therefore spared the actual act that began Vomitgate.

• 09:20 - for whatever reason, a noise or something I saw out of the corner of my eye, I looked up to see Emily being led by her dad towards the toilets. Stopping some 5 meters from the entrance, as in the above picture, Emily proceeded to reenact a scene from the Exorcist - projectile vomiting of great volume and force onto the tiled floor. The ejection in this instance was not green but a kind of fluorescent yellow consisting mainly, from what I could see, of a vast quantity of vanilla ice cream and half digested French fries.
• 09:20.15 sec - after a consoling "never mind" from Dad, Emily hurriedly produced batch two of the day's ice cream. Larger and more forceful than the first and this time accompanied by matching retching noises. At least this alerted one member of staff's attention, the photographer, who in turn shouted to Fred the waiter. "Don't look" I quickly said to Mrs CT who of course, being a woman, had to turn around and look. Bad decision.
• 09:21 - Emily and Dad exit stage left to the toilet to hopefully catch acts 3 and 4. Fred was now on the ball, or so we thought, disappearing stage right to fetch some cleaning equipment. No, all Fred brought back was a yellow triangle sign thingy with "Caution Slippery Floor". Oh how true these words.
• 09:22 - nothing happened
• 09:25 - still nothing
• 09:28 - Mrs CT now starting to lose patience jestured towards Fred that he should take further remedial action only to be met with a shrug of the shoulders. As these were the only toilets on this level, the footfall to and fro was persistent. Thank goodness people saw Fred's large yellow sign and therefore the puke pool beyond, which was now spreading evenly across the polished tile floor, and took an avoiding route.
• 09:30 - nothing
• 09:35 - Enter from stage right, the restaurant, came Geek boy. Trousers that didn't quite meet with the shoes, grinning to himself, probably as he was thinking of the next computermbob thingy he could buy, and really not paying attention to where he was going. You just know what's coming next!
• 09:36 - You where wrong! Geek boy made it to the loo intact.
• 09:38 - Geek boy, having completed his business, skipped merrily out of the toilets. My previous assumption that he had seen the Sea of Vomit on the way into the loo proved to be very very wrong. As his right foot made contact with shore of the said Sea he executed a slide of at least 1m before flipping into the air perfectly horizontally and landing with a firm splat in the middle of Emily's masterpiece.
• 09:39 - OMG! That certainly got a few peoples attention. What made it worse was that Geek boy really was an airhead and had not relised what he had fallen in and so made his way back to his table and his Mummy. It took milliseconds before his fellow dinners pointed to him in horror and sent him away to get cleaned up.
• 09:40 - This was more than enough for Mrs CT who shouted at the restaurant manager to do something about removing this hazard from the area. Twatos just mumbled something about housekeeping and scuttled off back to his desk. Knowing Mrs CT as I do, this was not a wise decision from Twatos. "This is ridiculous" she shouted, "I am going to report this to the Hotel Manager". Bearing in mind it was now 20 minutes since poor little Emily had poured forth, I had to agree that the lack of action from the hotel staff was unacceptable.
• 09:41 - Out of breath, after chasing Mrs CT up the stairs to reception, I caught the remnants of "GET ME THE MANAGER NOW"
• 09:46 - Enter Christos, the Food and Beverage manager, who had been superbly trained in customer relations and listened to Mrs CT's concerns in the most apologetic and reassuring manner. He would personally get this problem seen to.
• 09:50 - The curtains are finally drawn on this sorry little play. A bottle of red wine and a huge bowl of fruit made its way to our room the next day courtesy of Christos. Naturally we and our room number are now marked as "trouble" after making a formal complaint within 8 hours of arrival. We have not been back to the main restaurant since in fear of memory association.

THE END

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Crete 2014 - Day 4,5 & 6

Sorry but having such a chilled time, the blog has taken somewhat of a back seat!. I thought I had better post something just to let you know that we are still living. First off my picture of the holiday so far.

Taken this lunchtime from a small bar in the main town of Hersonnisos. Amazingly quiet. I would hate to think who it is like at night as there are plenty of tacky, smelling "disco bars" along the front just awaiting the great unwashed to emerge from their pits around 11pm. We travelled her from our resort on board the Tourist Bus which took us away from the crowds an up to some of the old villages.

The trip back did not meet with Mrs CT's approval as she got stuck with some very noisy children of the Dutch variety.

Not happy at all!

Yesterday we went for a walk through the local village of Analipsi ending up at Emily's taverna to hear all about Olive oil and Raki. When I say all about I mean a talk of 1 hour. Lovely lady but as mad as a bag of frogs. Cats everywhere which kept Mrs CT happy. Glasses of Raki and bread with oil which kept me happy. So happy that I bought a litre of the homemade oil to take home.

 

 

Mrs CT made me put in all the cat pictures. Any way dinner is calling. Entertainment tonight is a tribute act flown all the way from the UK - Lady Gaga - oh goody I cannot wait.

Tomorrow I promise that I will publish the blog from one week ago - Special Edition Vomitgate

Laters

 

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Quick stop for a beer by the sea

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Photo Test

Nice comfy bed at our hotel

 

Testing a new blog app - Blogsy

 

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Crete 2014 - Day 3

Biggest question of the day is "what the hell happened to Day 2"? In truth, nothing. We spent most of the day trying to adjust to the crazy heat and humidity. Helped in no end by the plunge pool on our terrace, lots of water and the excellent air-con. A couple of glasses of red whilst sorting out the wifi induced a fantastic siesta around 4pm

An extra bottle of wine appeared in our room sometime during the day courtesy of the restaurant manager as an apology for "vomitgate" which took place the previous evening. I cannot yet bring myself to tell you this story as the memories are still fresh and I have got Thai noodles to eat tonight.

This food, however, brings us back to day 3, Saturday and Mrs CT's pud in the Al Dente. Good food but not quite Michelin Star as advertised by the hotel. Interestingly I chose the Lamb dish from the menu in the next picture.

The accompaniment turned out to be couscous, thank goodness. You would think they would have put a bit of effort into the translation in the supposedly most up market restaurant on site. A good meal despite all this. During the afternoon I spent an enjoyable couple of hours across the road in the Club Cafe, an excellent bar with 5 large screens showing 5 different matches including Rotherham v Wolves? Beer at £2.90 a pint makes this my bolt hole for the fortnight. Long term readers of this blog may remember that my sever 4 years ago was Polish Pat. Sadly she is no longer here but has been replaced by the equally affable Analisa. (For previous blog look on the right side for dates. Last visit here was August 2010).

and when I say across the road, that's our hotel in the background of this pic.

I am revving up for a rant but I feel that only 3 days into the holiday it is too soon. It will however involve a) Thomson's definition of the term "adult", b) the infestation of the "adults only" pool area by a large group of pre-pubescent teens and c) the seemingly inability of the inmates to have any decent table manners. Anyway, 2 hours until our dinner in the Thai restaurant so I think I will have a couple of pints pulled by Analisa whilst watching NEW V MCI

Laters

Crete 2014 - Day 1

After only booking 2 weeks ago, we have made it to our summer destination of Crete. Our 4th visit in 6 years and the first time we have ever been back to a previous hotel.

The Atlantica Caldera Palace better known in the UK as Thomson Sensatori. Very nice, very comfortable and absolutely huge! I will post a few pictures of the place over the next few days. I am sure there will be plenty of stories over the next 2 weeks as there are so many people to watch. In less than 24 hours we have already witnessed Vomitgate and Mrs CT has fallen over twice. These 2 items are not connected in any way!

This is a picture taken from our second floor balcony looking across our pool and out to sea. We have arrived on the very day that there is no onshore breeze and the temperatures have hit 38c. The plunge pool has been most welcome.

When in Greece do as the Greeks do. So I did, a bowl of yogurt, apple & honey followed by a full English breakfast including fried bread - oh you bad boy!

Mrs CT getting stuck into her first Ice Cream of the hols. Talking of which, hopefully she has now finished applying her lotions and potions and is ready for dinner in the Red Saffron Taverna.

Laters!

Pucket. It's the way forward. Anyone else played it?

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Mrs CT ready for the Wedding

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Should I call my new Blog Parking Plonkers or Parking Pratts?

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